DON'T SEND ANY MONEY!

Fate has no price

Ignore at your peril this splendid advice

An invaluable link in an infinite chain

An offer like this will just not come again



You wish you had women to charm and bewitch

Power of life and death over the rich young girls will be swooning

Because you're exciting them

And not only fall at your feet but be biting them



Guaranteed, guaranteed to capture your breath

Or just possibly scare you to death



Sign it and seal it and send it to friends

But don't mention my name

Don't make any long term plans



In thirty-six hours your fortunes will change

Your best friends won't know you

And neither will strangers

Do not keep this letter

It must leave your hand

You have been selected from over five thousand



A twister or dupe will bamboozle or hoodwink you

I can't say more it would only confuse you

The wine that they offer will go to your head

And you'll start to see double in fishes and bread



Guaranteed, guaranteed for a lifetime or more

Guaranteed, for this world and the next

Guaranteed, guaranteed for the world and its mother

Cherish this life as you don't get another one



UNLESS you should take up this fabulous offer

Don't leave it too late or you'll be bound to suffer

And woebetide anyone so woebegone

You won't know you're born or about to pass on



You'll never get tired

You'll never get bored

By the way I just hope you're insured



And if you're not satisfied

If you want more

We can always provide an improved overture

Guaranteed at a price that is almost unbeatable

This offer is unrepeatable



Your trouble will vanish

Your tears will dry

Your blessing will just multiply

Guaranteed at a price that is almost unbeatable

This offer is unrepeatable



Guaranteed, guaranteed to bring fortune and favor

In a riot of colours, (a variety of) and flavours

Guaranteed at a price that is almost unbeatable

This offer is unrepeatable



Would I lie to you? Would I sell you a dud?

Just sign on the line. Could you possibly write it in blood?