I play in a band
We're the best in the land
We're big in both Chelsey & France.
I play one mean guitar & then score at the bar
There's a line o'chicks waitin' for their chance.
So c'mon now honey
I'll make you feel pretty
These other girls mean nothin' to me
Let's finsh these drinks & be gone for the night 'cuz I'm more than a handful you'll see.

So kiss me, I'm shitfaced, I'm soaked, I'm soiled & brown.
In the trousers, she kissed me, & I only bought her one round.

I can bench-press a car
I'm an ex-football star
With degrees from both Harvard & Yale.
Girls just can't keep up, I'm a real love machine.
I've had far better sex while in jail.

I designed the Sears Tower
I make 2 grand an hour
I cook the world's best duck flamber
I take the pick of the litter
Girls jockey for me
I don't need these lines to get layed.

So kiss me, I'm shitfaced, I'm soaked, I'm soiled & brown.
In the trousers, she kissed me, & I only bought her one round.

I'm a man of the night
A real lady's delight.
See my figure was chizzled from stone.
One more for the gal then I'll escort her home
Come last call I'm never alone.
I've a house on the hill with a red water bed
That puts Hugh Hefner's mansion to shame.
With girls by the pool & Italian sports cars
I'm just here in this dump for the game.

So kiss me, I'm shitfaced, I'm soaked, I'm soiled & brown.
In the trousers, she kissed me, & I only bought her one round.

Eh,fuck it.
Who am I shitin?

I'm a pitiful sight
And I ain't all that bright.
I'm definitely not chizzled from stone.
I'm a cheat & a liar,
No woman's desire, I'll probly die cold & alone.

But just give me a chance
'Cuz deep down inside
I swear I got a big heart of gold.
I'm a monogamous man no more one night stands
Come on honey, lemme' take you home.

So kiss me, I'm shitfaced, I'm soaked, I'm soiled & brown.
In the trousers, she kissed me, & I only bought her one round.

So kiss me, I'm shitfaced, I'm soaked, I'm soiled & brown.
In the trousers (it was tiny!) and I only bought her one round.

So kiss me, I'm shitfaced, I'm soaked, I'm soiled & brown.
In the trousers, she kissed me, & I only bought her one round.