SONG--PISH-TUSH and CHORUS.
Our great Mikado, virtuous man,
When he to rule our land began,
Resolved to try
A plan whereby
Young men might best be steadied.
So he decreed, in words succinct,
That all who flirted, leered or winked
(Unless connubially linked),
Should forthwith be beheaded.
And I expect you'll all agree
That he was right to so decree.
And I am right,
And you are right,
And all is right as right can be!
CHORUS. And you are right.
And we are right, etc
This stem decree, you'll understand,
Caused great dismay throughout the land!
For young and old
And shy and bold
Were equally affected.
The youth who winked a roving eye,
Or breathed a non-connubial sigh,
Was thereupon condemned to die--
He usually objected.
And you'll allow, as I expect,
That he was right to so object.
And I am right,
And you are right,
And everything is quite correct!
CHORUS. And you are right,
And we are right, etc.
And so we straight let out on bail
A convict from the county jail,
Whose head was next
On some pretext
Condemned to be mown off,
And made him Headsman, for we said,
"Who's next to be decapited
Cannot cut off another's head
Until he's cut his own off."
And we are right, I think you'll say,
To argue in this kind of way;
And I am right,
And you are right,
And all is right--too-looral-lay!
CHORUS. And you are right,
And we are right, etc.
[Exeunt Chorus.
Enter Pooh-Bah.
NANK. Ko-Ko, the cheap tailor, Lord High Executioner of
Titipu! Why, that's the highest rank a citizen can 
attain!
POOH. It is. Our logical Mikado, seeing no moral
difference between the dignified judge who condemns a 
criminal to
die, and the industrious mechanic who carries out the 
sentence,
has rolled the two offices into one, and every judge is 
now his
own executioner.
NANK. But how good of you (for I see that you are a
nobleman of the highest rank) to condescend to tell all 
this to
me, a mere strolling minstrel!
POOH. Don't mention it. I am, in point of fact, a
particularly haughty and exclusive person, of pre-
Adamite
ancestral descent. You will understand this when I tell 
you that
I can trace my ancestry back to a protoplasmal 
primordial atomic
globule. Consequently, my family pride is something
inconceivable. I can't help it. I was born sneering. 
But I
struggle hard to overcome this defect. I mortify my 
pride
continually. When all the great officers of State 
resigned in a
body because they were too proud to serve under an ex-
tailor, did
I not unhesitatingly accept all their posts at once?
PISH. And the salaries attached to them? You did.
POOH. It is consequently my degrading duty to serve 
this
upstart as First Lord of the Treasury, Lord Chief 
Justice,
Commander-in-Chief, Lord High Admiral, Master of the 
Buckhounds,
Groom of the Back Stairs, Archbishop of Titipu, and 
Lord Mayor,
both acting and elect, all rolled into one. And at a 
salary! A
Pooh-Bah paid for his services! I a salaried minion! 
But I do
it! It revolts me, but I do it!
NANK. And it does you credit.
POOH. But I don't stop at that. I go and dine with
middle-class people on reasonable terms. I dance at 
cheap
suburban parties for a moderate fee. I accept 
refreshment at any
hands, however lowly. I also retail State secrets at a 
very low
figure. For instance, any further information about 
Yum-Yum
would come under the head of a State secret. (Nanki-Poo 
takes his
hint, and gives him money.) (Aside.) Another insult 
and, I
think, a light one!