They just lost my travel voucher over at finance
I just tried fart but instead I squirted my pants
The cops just found my car totaled in a ditch
My hemorrhoids are back in town and their itching like a 
sonafabitch

But I'm not sad
It ain't all that bad
'Cause at least I can say I'm not the Snacko

My mother came to visit and she found my porno stash
Last week's midnight rendezvous is now a horrible rash
My brother's back in prison and my sister she's a whore
It probably wouldn't bother me but her pimp - her pimp 
lives right next door

But I'm not sad
It ain't all that bad
'Cause at least I can say I'm not the Snacko