I make my living off the evening news
Just give me something, something I can use
People love it when you lose, they love dirty laundry

Well, I could've been an actor but I wound up here
I just have to look good, I don't have to be clear
Come and whisper in my ear, "Give us dirty laundry"

Kick 'em when they're up, kick 'em when they're down
Kick 'em when they're up, kick 'em when they're down
Kick 'em when they're up, kick 'em when they're down
Kick 'em when they're up, kick 'em all around

We got the bubble headed bleached blonde comes on at five
She can tell you 'bout the plane crash with a gleam in her eye
It's interesting when people die, give us dirty laundry

Can we film the operation is the head dead yet
You know the boys in the newsroom got a running bet
Get the widow on the set, we need dirty laundry

You don't really need to find out, what's goin' on
You don't really want to know just how far it's gone
Just leave well enough alone, eat your dirty laundry

Kick 'em when they're up, kick 'em when they're down
Kick 'em when they're up, kick 'em when they're down
Kick 'em when they're up, kick 'em when they're down
Kick 'em when they're stiff, kick 'em all around

Kick 'em when they're up, kick 'em when they're down
Kick 'em when they're up, kick 'em when they're down
Kick 'em when they're up, kick 'em when they're down
Kick 'em when they're stiff, kick 'em all around

Dirty little secrets, dirty little lies
We got our dirty little fingers in everybody's pie
We love to cut you down to size, we love dirty laundry

We can do the Innuendo, we can dance and sing
When it's said and done we haven't told you a thing
We all know that Crap is King, give us dirty laundry

Kick 'em when they're up, kick 'em when they're down
Kick 'em when they're up, kick 'em when they're down
Kick 'em when they're up, kick 'em when they're down
...