If I had my own way
You'd be here with me today 
But I rarely have my own way 
I guess that's why you're not here with me today 

And the librarian said 
'You can't buy no respect'
I said, ‘Hey, lady, what can you expect
When I'm lying on the floor?'

Well I love the lady but you don't wanna be
No girl of mine
Well the only thing you ever done for me
Was help me waste my time 

And I saw you at the funeral 
You were standing there like a temple
I said ‘Hi! How are you? Hello!'
And I pulled up a casket and crawled in
Yes, I did

Some kind of circus with all them clowns
I said hey wait a minute can't we slow down a bit

And I almost got hit by a truck

Well it just goes to show you that we're all on our own
Scrounging for our own share of good luck
Stab your brother in the back
And pick up your pay check

Good-bye lonely heart drawings
You never did work anyhow
I'm looking for a nice girl
And I don't want no cow

I'm heading out West 
Gonna find me the best
Well, I played the game but I failed the test
If I can't be a lover then I'll be a pest

Yes, I will