He wants a shoehorn
The kind with teeth
People should get beat up
for statin' their beliefs

He wants a shoehorn
The kind with teeth
'cause he knows there's no such thing

He asks a girl
If they can both sit in a chair
But he doesn't get nervous
She's not really there

He wants a shoehorn
the kind with teeth
'cause he knows there's no such thing

Tour the world
in a heavy metal band
but they run out of petrol
the plane can never land

He wants a shoehorn
The kind with teeth
People should get beat up
for stealin' their beliefs

He wants a shoehorn
The kind with teeth
'cause he knows there's no such thing

What's the sense
in ever thinking 'bout the tomb
when you're much too busy
returning to the womb?

He wants a shoehorn
The kind with teeth
People should get beat up
for skatin' like the Leafs

He wants a shoehorn
The kind with teeth
'cause he knows there's no such thing