I don't read those fancy newspapers

I don't care for the print on my fingers

I can't take that slanted press

An' you know how the smell of the paper lingers.



But the TV news, what a wonderful innovation

Well it's where it's at, tea on my lap

Soakin' it up, lappin' it up.



I don't watch much television

Maybe 'The Street' and 'Blankety Blank'

I don't play any of those crazy ball games

Where's the sense in sweatin' no thanks.



But my TV news, it's a marvellous presentation

Perfect end to the day, tea on a tray

An' we never get upset.



The fightin' and the bombin' and the bloodshed

An' all the starvin' children round the world

The aeroplanes crashin', and the earthquakes

Right before my eyes they're all unfurled.



I don't listen to the radio

Well maybe just Wogan's breakfast wit and 

Don't give me any of those crazy ball games

Where's the sense in keeping fit?



But the TV news, won't you give me that confrontation

Nothin' I prefer than my tea down my shirt

Soakin' it up, shruggin' it off.



The fightin' an' the bombin' an' the bloodshed

An' all the crazy despots round the world

Murders, an' the scandal an' the heartache

Right inside my lounge they're all unfurled.



On my TV news

What a colourful presentation

You' got the blood and the thunder

The world goin' under,

It's all there to see

All on the TV news.



What an' honest interpretation

Straight as a die, the cameras don't lie

It's all there to see

All on the TV news.