I was takin' a trip out to LA
 toolin' along in my Chevrolet

 tokin' on a number and diggin' on the radio

 jes' as I cross the Mississippi line I heard that highway start to whine

 and I knew that left rear tire was about to go

 well the spare was flat and I got uptight 'cause there wasn't a fillin' station in sight

 so I jes' limped down the shoulder on the rim

 I went as far as I could and when I stopped the car

 it was right in front of this little bar

 a kind of a redneck lookin' joint called the Dew Drop Inn

 well I stuffed my hair up under my hat

 and told the bartender that I had a flat

 and would he be kind enough to give me change for a one

 there was one thing I was sure proud to see

 there wasn't a soul in the place 'cept for him an' me

 and he jest looked disgusted an' pointed toward the telephone

 I called up the station down the road a ways

 and he said he wasn't very busy t'day

 and he could have somebody there in jest 'bout ten minutes or so

 he said now you jes' stay right where yer at

 and I didn't bother tellin' the durn fool I sure as hell didn't have anyplace else to go

 I jes ordered up a beer and sat down at the bar

 when some guy walked in an' said who owns this car

 with the peace sign the mag wheels and four on the floor

 well he looked at me and I damn near died

 and I decided that I'd jus wait outside

 so I layed a dollar on the bar and headed for the door

 jes' when I thought I'd get outta there with my skin

 these five big dude come strollin' in

 with this one old drunk chick

 and some fella with green teeth

 an' I was almost to the door when the biggest one

 said you tip your hat to this lady son

 an' when I did all that hair fell out from underneath

 now the last thing I wanted was to get into a fight

 in Jackson Mississippi on a Saturday night

 'specially when there was three of them and only one of me

 well they all started laughin' and I felt kinda sick

 and I knew I'd better think of somethin' pretty quick

 so I jes' reached out an' kicked ol' green-teeth right in the knee

 he let out a yell that'd curl your hair

 but before he could move I grabbed me a chair

 and said watch him folks 'cause he's a thouroughly dangerous man

 well you may not know it but this man's a spy

 he's an undercover agent for the FBI

 and he's been sent down here to infiltrate the Ku Klux Klan

 he was still bent over holdin' on to his knee

 but everyone else was lookin' and listenin' to me

 and I layed it on thicker and heavier as I went

 I said would you beleive this man has gone as far

 as tearin' Wallace stickers off the bumpers of cars

 and he voted for George McGoveren for president

 well he's a friend of them long-haired hippie type pinko fags

 I betcha he's even got a Commie flag Tacked up on the wall inside of his garage

 he's a snake in the grass I tell ya guys

 he may look dumb but that's jus a disguise

 he's a mastermind in the ways of espionage

 they all started lookin' real suspicious at him

 and he jumped up an' said jes' wait a minute jim

 you know he's lyin' I've been livin' here all of my life

 I'm a faithfull follower of Brother John Burch

 and I belong to the Antioch Baptist Church

 and I ain't even got a garage -- you can call home and ask my wife

 then he started sayin' somethin' 'bout the way I was dressed

 but I didn't wait around to hear the rest

 I was too busy movin' and hopin' I didn't run outta luck

 and when I hit the ground I was makin' tracks

 and they were jes' takin' my car down off the jacks

 so I threw the man a twenty an' jumped in an' fired that mother up

 Mario Andretti woulda sure been proud

 of the way I was movin' when I passed that crowd

 comin' out the door and headin' toward me in a trot

 an' I guess I shoulda gone ahead an' run

 but somehow I couldn't resist the fun

 of chasin' them jes' once around the parkin' lot

 well they're headin' for their car but I hit the gas

 and spun around and headed them off at the pass

 well I was slingin' gravel and puttin' a ton of dust in the air

 well I had them all out there steppin' an' a fetchin'

 like their heads were on fire and their asses was catchin'

 but I figured I oughta go ahead an split before the cops got there

 when I hit the road I was really wheelin'

 had gravel flyin' and rubber squeelin'

 an' I didn't slow down 'til I was almost to Arkansas

 I think I'm gonna re-route my trip

 I wonder if anybody'd think I'd flipped

 if I went to LA via Omaha