Some say the end is near
Some say we'll see armageddon soon
I certainly hope we will
I sure could use a vacation from this
Bull-shit, three-ring
Circus sideshow

Of freaks here in this
Hopeless fucking
Hole we call L.A.
The only way to fix it is
To flush it all away
Any fucking time
Any fucking day
Learn to swim
See you down in
Arizona Bay

Fret for your figure
And fret for your latte
And fret for your lawsuit
And fret for your hairpiece
And fret for your Prozac
And fret for your pilot
And fret for your contract
And fret for your car

It's a bull-shit, three-ring
Circus sideshow

Of freaks here in this
Hopeless fucking
Hole we call L.A.
The only way to fix it is
To flush it all away
Any fucking time
Any fucking day
Learn to swim
See you down in
Arizona Bay

Some say a comet will fall from the sky
Followed by meteor showers and tidal waves
Followed by fault lines that cannot sit still
Followed by millions of dumb-founded dipshits and

Some say the end is near
Some say we'll see armageddon soon
I certainly hope we will
I sure could use a vacation from this

Stupid shit
Silly shit
Stupid shit

One great big festering neon distraction
I've a suggestion to keep you all occupied

Learn to swim... Learn to swim... Learn to swim... Learn to swim...

Mom's gonna fix it all soon
Mom's coming 'round to put it back the way it oughta be

Learn to swim... Learn to swim... Learn to swim... Learn to swim...

Fuck L. Ron Hubbard
And fuck all his clones
Fuck all these gun-toting
Hip gangster wanna-bes

Learn to swim... Learn to swim... Learn to swim... Learn to swim...

Fuck retro anything
Fuck your tattoos
Fuck all you junkies
And fuck your short memory

Learn to swim... Learn to swim... Learn to swim... Learn to swim...

Fuck smilie glad-hands with hidden agendas
Fuck these dysfunctional, insecure actresses

Learn to swim... Learn to swim... Learn to swim... Learn to swim...

I'm praying for rain
I'm praying for tidal waves
I wanna see the ground give way
I wanna watch it all go down
Mom, please flush it all away
I wanna see it go right in and down
I wanna watch it go right in
Watch you flush it all away

Yeah, time to bring it down again
Yeah, don't just call a pessimist
Try and read between the lines

And I can't imagine why you wouldn't
Welcome any change, my friend

I wanna see it come down
Plug it down
Suck it down
Flush it down