Well I'm a sucker for fine Cuban cigars

The problem is I can't afford 'em

But last year I went and got myself a whole box

And just to be safe I insured 'em



Chorus

I took out a policy against fire and theft

And then I hurried home

With a thirty-cent lighter I sat on my back steps

And I smoked 'em one by one



Two weeks later I went to see that insurance man

And I handed in my claim

With a straight face I told him that through a series of small fires

They'd all gone up in flames



2nd Chorus

They reviewed my case and they had no choice

But to pay me for what I'd done

And I took that check and bought a whole new box

And I smoked 'em one by one



Two weeks later this detective shows up

Tells me that company's pressin' charges

One speedy trial later they locked me up

On twenty-four separate counts of arson



3rd Chorus

And now I sit and I stare at a blank brick wall

Lookin' back on what I've done

To pass the time I've got some ten-cent cigars

And I smoke 'em one by one

Yeah, I smoke 'em one by one