Alan Ladd was a good man.
He shot holes in the wigwams.
What would he say to the cavalry, now?
'I've got a touch of the Van Dammes.'

Here's another slug in your eye.
Catch you on the wagon again,
on the wagon again.

If you dance on the desert floor enough
Bopping around on the ground like Hollywood made them
To fall off the map, to fall off the map,
to fall off the map for John Wayne
ooh, John Wayne (John Wayne)

John Wayne
I wish I had your brain
John Wayne
I wish I had your brain

Yeah and my gun,
to shoot out the sun.