Angel Haze

Angel Haze - Come Winter (seasons) lyrics

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[Intro:]
Now, this might get a little personal
Or a lot actually
Parental discretion is advised
When I was ten, shit, I believed I could fly
I would just flap my fucking arms and try to meet with 
the sky
And in my mind I'd envision that I was speaking with 
God
And then I'd chop his fucking fist off and beat him 
with mine
But this is just a fucking portion of the war with my 
mind
So I'm a take you fuckers back and through the vortex 
of time
When I was seven envision me at the bottom of stairs
And I solemnly swear that this is the truth, no fallacy 
here
See I was young, man, I was just a toddler, a kid
And he wasn't the first to successfully try but he did
He took me to the basement and after the lights had 
been cut
He whipped it out and sodomized and forced his cock 
through my gut
See it was weird because I felt like I was losing my 
mind
And then it happened like it happened millions of times
And I would swear that I would tell but they would 
think that I was lyin'
And now the power that he held was like a beacon of 
mine
So now I got used to it, I put up with the shit
And now my hate was so volcanically eruptive and shit
But this is nothing cause I guess he told his friend 
what he do
And they ate it up, shit I was like a buffet for two
And then it happened in a home where every fucking one 
knew
And they ain't do shit but fucking blame it on youth
I'm sorry mom but I really used to blame it on you, but 
even you, by then wouldn't know what to do
And now it happened so often that he was getting 
particular
And I'm more scared every time - my speed and 
ventricular
One night he came home and I was asleep in my bed
He climbed on top of me and forced himself between my 
legs
He told me: "Hey -, I see you like them popsicle sticks 
so put your mouth on my deck and fucking swallow the 
spit"
And I was confused but I was scared so I did what he 
said
I had no the effect it would have on my head
My heart was pumping it was thumping with like tons of 
my fear
Imagine being seven and seeing cum in your underwear
I know it's nasty but sometimes I'd even bleed from my 
butt
Disgusting right? Now let that feeling ring through 
your guts
I thought of offing myself, I thought of killing these 
niggas
Wanted to take a fucking brick and push they teeth 
through they liver
Wanted to smash the fucking world and burn it's 
leftover parts
Wanted to rip it out and just fucking step on my heart
Then I grew up and I wasn't within the reach of these 
men
But that didn't keep me out the motherfucking reach of 
my sin
And psychologically I was just as fucked as they come
I was confused, I had to prove I wasn't fucked from the 
jump
I was afraid of myself, I had no love for myself
I tried to kill, I tried to hide, I tried to run from 
myself
There was a point in my life where I didn't like who I 
was
So I'd create the other people I would try to become
Sexuality came into play and with as scared as I was
I was extremely scared of men so I started liking girls
I started starving myself, fucked up my bodily health
I didn't wanna be attracted to nobody else
I didn't want the appeal, wanted to stunt my own growth
But there's a fucking reason behind every scar that I 
show
I never got to be a kid so that's as far as I grow
My mental state is out of date, and that's as far as I 
know
My biggest problem was fear, and what being fearful 
could do
It made me run, it made me hide it made me scared of 
the truth
I'm not deranged anymore, I'm not the same anymore
I mean I'm sane but I'm insane but not the same as 
before
I had to deal with my shit, I had to look at my truth
To understand that to grow you've got to look at your 
root
I had to cut off the dead, I had to make myself proud
And now I'm just standing living breathing proof look 
at me now
I made it through everything, I made you look like a 
clown
I'm fucking great can't fucking hate you nigga look at 
me now
Now I'm just saying this to tell you there's a way from 
the ground
Just be strong and just move on and just accept what I 
can
Because it makes your story better when you read at the 
end
[Outro:]
Yeah, there's a story behind every single scar that I 
show
I made it out, this a me nobody's gotten before
I had to open my wounds, I had to bleed til I stopped 
it
Thanks for joining me here as I cleaned out my closet
I said I opened my wounds, I had to bleed til I stopped 
it
Thanks for joining me here as I cleaned out my closet
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Language: English

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