Your UCAS form was full of lies
You didn't win the English prize
Your never worked all summer as a volunteer

Your grade 8 flute did not exist
You never read New Scientist
But that doesn't matter for your chosen career

You gotta be
You gotta be white
You gotta be posh
You gotta play rugby
And if you're a girl
You've got to be hideously ugly
You gotta drink beer
You gotta be arrogant wankers
All I know is that's how you're all here today