May I have your attention please?
May I have your attention please?
Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?
I repeat, will the real Slim Shady please stand up?
We're gonna have a problem here
Y'all act like ya never seen a white person before
Jaws all on the floor like Pam, like Tommy just burst in the door
And started whooping her ass worse than before
They first were divorce, throwin' her over furniture (Ahh!)
It's the return of the..."Ah, wait, no way, you're kidding, 
he just didn't say what I think he did, did he?"
And Dr. Dre said...
Nothing you idiots! Dr. Dre's dead, he's locked in my basement!(Ha-ha!)
Feminist women love Eminem
Slim Shady, I'm sick of him
Look at him, walking around grabbing his you-know-what
Flipping the you-know-who, yeah, but he's so cute though
Yeah, I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose
But no worse than what's going on in your parents' bedrooms
Sometimes, I wanna get on TV and just let loose, but can't
But it's cool for Tom Green to hump a dead moose
My bum is on your lips, my bum is on your lips
And if I'm lucky, you might just give it a little kiss
And that's the message that we deliver to little kids
And expect them not to know what a woman's clitoris is
Of course they gonna know what intercourse is
By the time they hit fourth grade
They got the Discovery Channel don't they?
We ain't nothing but mammals
Well, some of us cannibals
Who cut other people open like cantaloupes
But if we can hump dead animals and antelopes
Then there's no reason that a man and another man can't elope
But if you feel like I feel, I got the antidote
Women wave your pantyhose, sing the chorus and it goes
Chorus:
I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up?
Please stand up, please stand up
Cuz I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up?
Please stand up, please stand up
Will Smith don't gotta cuss in his raps to sell his records
Well I do, so fuck him and fuck you too!
You think I give a damn about a Grammy?
Half of you critics can't even stomach me let alone stand me
"But Slim, what if you win, wouldn't it be weird?"
Why? So you guys could just lie to get me here
So you can sit me here next to Britney Spears
Shit, Christina Aguilera better switch me chairs
So I can sit next to Carson Daly and Fred Durst
And hear them argue over who she gave head to first
You little bitch, put me on Blast on MTV
"Yeah, he's cute, but I think he's married to Kim, hee-hee"
I should download her audio on MP3 
And show the whole world how you gave Eminem VD
I'm sick of you little girl and boy groups
All you do is annoy me so I have been sent here to destroy you
And there's a million of us just like me
Who cuss like me; who just don't give a fuck like me
Who dress like me; walk, talk and act like me
And just might be the next best thing but not quite me!
Chorus
I'm like a head trip to listen to cuz I'm only giving you
Things you joke about with your friends inside your living room
The only difference is I got the balls to say it
In front of y'all and I don't gotta be frost or sugar coated at all
I just get on a mic and spit it and whether you like to admit it
I just shitted better than 90 percent of you rappers out there
Then you wonder how can kids eat up these albums like valiums
It's funny cuz at the rate I'm going when I'm 30
I'll be the only person in the nursing home flirting
Pinching nurses asses when I'm jacking off with Jergens
And I'm jerkin' but this whole bag of Viagra isn't working
And every single person is a Slim Shady lurking
He could be working at Burger King spitting on your onion rings
Or in the parking lot, circling, screaming I don't give a fuck!
With his windows down and his system up
So, will the real Shady please stand up?
And put one of those fingers on each hand up?
And be proud to be outta ya mind and outta control
And one more time, loud as you can, how does it go?
Chorus
Guess there's a Slim Shady in all of us
Fuck it, let's all stand up