I was deep in the forest
With a full moon in the sky.
I will tell you all that happened
But you'll swear it was a lie.
I was lost in the woods
Which of course I really hated
But even worse my friends and I
Had somehow separated.
I climbed up on a ridge
And saw a glow above the trees
And what looked to be a frantic swarm
Of black gigantic bees.
I hiked up to the clearing
To get a better view
And I swear that what I tell you now
Is absolutely true.

I saw witches in bikinis
Flying through the air
Drinking black martinis
And throwing back their hair.
I saw witches in bikinis
Coming from a cave
Sucking red linguinis
And dancing on a grave.

I tried to be so quiet
As I peered out from the trees
But party turned to riot
When the witches heard me sneeze.
They dropped me in the clearing
And tied me to the ground
Judging from what I was hearing
I would never 'gain be found.
They jabbered and they joked
And they called me awful names
They prodded and they poked
As they planned their evil games.
I knew the end was near;
I'd never make it to November,
But just before my world went black
Here's what I remember:

I heard witches in bikinis
Cackle with delight
Wearing pointed beanies
And worshipping the night.
I saw witches in bikinis
Wearing velvet capes
Roasting human weenies
And stuffing them in crepes.

I woke up in the clearing
To the warm light of the sun.
Those horrid memories came back
To haunt me one by one.
I saw no sign of witches
Or anything at all
Just what you would expect to see
In a forest in the fall.
My friends would not believe me
I could not believe myself
But then I saw some shiny thing
Perched on a rocky shelf.
And all at once I knew for sure
That all this was the truth
For there it was, a cocktail glass
With gin and black vermouth.

I saw witches in bikinis
Flying through the air
Drinking black martinis
And throwing back their hair.
I saw witches in bikinis
Coming from a cave
Sucking red linguinis
And dancing on a grave.

I saw witches in bikinis
Wearing velvet capes
Roasting human weenies
And stuffing them in crepes.
I heard witches in bikinis
Cackle with delight
Wearing pointed beanies
And worshiping the night.