William Shatner
William Shatner - I Can lyrics
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William Shatner/Henry Rollins BILL: Let's go. Ready? From the top... BILL: My favorite shows on TV have twelve minutes of advertising. I can't get behind that kind of time! ROLLINS: Eat quickly. Drive faster. Make more money now! I can't get behind that. BILL: My kids say: He said to me, and I'm like... and he's like... and she's like... ROLLINS: It's all... He's all... She's all... BILL: I can't get behind that kind of like, English! BILL: That'll be six to eight weeks before delivery. ROLLINS: The rising oceans, the warming temperatures! BILL: The dying polar bears--no, tigers--in fifty years! ROLLINS: Rising poison in the air and water! BILL: I can't understand why the price of gas suddenly rises when oil goes up... ROLLINS: ...but takes months to go down long after oil falls! BILL: I can't get behind any of that! BILL: I can't get behind the Gods, who are more vengeful, angry, and dangerous if you don't believe in them! ROLLINS: Why can't all these Gods just get along? I mean, they're omnipotent and omnipresent, what's the problem? BILL: What's the problem? BILL: What about the men who say 'Do as I do. Believe in what I say, for your own good, or I'll kill you!' I can't get behind that! ROLLINS: I can't get behind that! Everybody knows everything about all of us! BILL: That's too much knowledge! BOTH: I can't get behind that! BILL: Yeah! And what about student drivers using my streets to learn? If you learn to play the drums you got to go to a studio! Go to a parking lot, for God's sake! Why are you jeopardizing my life? I can't get behind a student driver! ROLLINS: I can't behind a driver who drives like a student driver! If you're going to drive an urban assault vehicle then get off the phone and keep your eyes on the road! ROLLINS: Lifetime guarantee? BILL: Who's lifetime? Not mine! I haven't that much time left. Let's make it yours. Everybody's got a longer life than me! BILL: The leaf blowers, is there anything more futile? ROLLINS: Car alarms. BILL: Clap off. ROLLINS: Clap on. BILL: Spam. ROLLINS: Size matters. BILL: No, it doesn't! ROLLINS: Yes, it does! BILL: No, it doesn't. ROLLINS: Yes, it does! BILL: No, it doesn't! ROLLINS: Yes, it does! BILL: No, it doesn't! No, it doesn't! ROLLINS: Yes, it does! Yes, it does! BILL: My phone rings! ROLLINS: Make millions in minutes! BILL: It's a computer! ROLLINS: Lose inches in hours! BILL: Leave me the Hell alone! ROLLINS: Eat more! Spend less! BILL: The Colonel is breakdancing! Give me a break! ROLLINS: Credit terms raised! BILL: I can't get behind any of that! BILL: I can't get behind so-called singers that can't carry a tune, get paid for talking, how easy is that? Well, maybe I could get behind that! ROLLINS: Well, I can't! If you have to fix it with a computer: quantized, pitch corrected, and overly inspected, then you can't do it, and I can't get behind that! BILL: I--can't--get behind--a fat ass! ROLLINS: Yeah, Bill, can you turn around and do one more? BILL: Always can do one more. ROLLINS: Let's hit it!