RIFF (spoken)

We'll snow him some more!  Them cops believe everything they read

in the papers about us cruddy j.d.'s.  So that's what we give 'em!

Somethin' to believe in!



TIGER (imitating Krupke)

Hey, you!



RIFF

Me, Officer Krupke?



TIGER

Yeah you!  Gimme one good reason for not dragging you down to the

station house, ya punk!



RIFF (sung)

Dear kindly Sergeant Krupke

You gotta understand

It's just our bringin' upke

That gets us out of hand

Our mothers all are junkies

Our fathers all are drunks

Golly Moses!

Natcherly we're punks!



ALL

Gee, Officer Krupke, we're very upset

We never had the love that every child oughtta get

We ain't no delinquents, we're misunderstood

Deep down inside us there is good!



RIFF

There is good!



ALL

There is good, there is good

There is untapped good

Like inside, the worst of us is good!



TIGER (spoken)

That's a touchin' good story



RIFF

Lemme tell it to the world!



TIGER

Just tell it to the judge!



RIFF (sung)

Dear kindly Judge, your Honour

My parents treat me rough

With all their marijuana

They won't give me a puff

They didn't want to have me

But somehow I was had

Leapin' lizards!

That's why I'm so bad!



SNOWBOY (imitating a judge)

Right!

Officer Krupke, you're really a square

This boy don't need a judge, he needs an analyst's care

It's just his neurosis that oughta be curbed

He's psychologically disturbed!



RIFF

I'm disturbed!



ALL

We're disturbed, we're disturbed

We're the most disturbed

Like we're psychologically disturbed!



SNOWBOY (spoken)

Hear ye, hear ye!  In the opinion of this court, this child is depraved

on account he ain't had a normal home.



RIFF

Hey, I'm depraved on account I'm deprived!



SNOWBOY

So take him to a headshrinker!



RIFF (sung)

My daddy beats my mommy

My mommy clobbers me

My grandpa is a Commie

My grandma pushes tea

My sister wears a mustache

My brother wears a dress

Goodness gracious!

That's why I'm a mess!



ACTION (imitating a psychiatrist)

Yes!

Officer Krupke, he shouldn't be here

This boy don't need a couch, he needs a useful career

Society's played him a terrible trick

And sociologically he's sick!



RIFF

I am sick!



ALL

We are sick, we are sick

We are sick, sick, sick

Like we're sociologically sick!



ACTION (spoken)

In my opinion, this child does not need to have his head shrunk at

all.  Juvenile delinquency is purely a social disease



RIFF

Hey, I got a social disease!



ACTION

So take him to a social worker!



RIFF (sung)

Dear kindly social worker

They tell me "get a job"

Like be a soda jerker

Which means like be a slob

It's not I'm anti-social

I'm only anti-work

Glory osky!

That's why I'm a jerk!



A-RAB (imitating female social worker)

Eek!

Officer Krupke, you've done it again!

This boy don't need a job, he needs a year in the pen

It ain't just a question of misunderstood

Deep down inside him, he's no good!



RIFF

I'm no good!



ALL

We're no good, we're no good

We're no earthy good

Like the best of us is no damn good!



SNOWBOY

The trouble is he's lazy!



A-RAB

The trouble is he drinks!



BABY JOHN

The trouble is he's crazy!



JOYBOY

The trouble is he stinks!



BIG DEAL

The trouble is he's growing!



ACTION

The trouble is he's grown!



ALL

Krupke, we got troubles of our own!



Gee, Officer Krupke

We're down on our knees



RIFF

'Cause no one wants a fella with a social disease



ALL

Gee, Officer Krupke

What are we to do?

Gee, Officer Krupke -

Krup you!