Don't wanna be a Canadian idiot 

Don't wanna be some beer swillin' hockey nut 

And do I look like some frostbitten hose-head? 

I never learned my alphabet from A to Zed 



They all live on donuts and moose meat 

And they leave the house without packin' heat 

Never even bring their guns to the mall 

And you know what else is too funny? 

Their stupid Monopoly money 

Can't take 'em seriously at all 



Well maple syrup and snow's what they export 

They treat curling just like it's a real sport 

They think their silly accent is so cute 

Can't understand a thing they're talkin' aboot 



Sure they got their national health care 

Cheaper meds, low crime rates and clean air 

Then again well they got Celine Dion 

Eat their weight in Kraft macaroni 

And dream of drivin' a Zamboni 

All over Saskatchewan 



Don't wanna be a Canadian idiot 

Won't figure out their temperature in Celsius 

See the map, they're hoverin' right over us 

Tell you the truth, it makes me kinda nervous 



Always hear the same kind of story 

Break their nose and they'll just say "sorry" 

Tell me what kind of freaks are that polite? 

It's gotta mean they're all up to somethin' 

So quick, before they see it comin' 

Time for a pre-emptive strike!