As I walk through the valley where I harvest my grain
I take a look at my wife
and realize she's very plain
But that's just perfect for an Amish like me
You know I shun fancy things
like electricity
At 4:30 in the morning I'm milkin' cows
Jebediah feeds the chickens and Jacob plows...
fool
And I've been milkin' and plowin' so long
that
Even Ezekiel thinks that my mind is gone
I'm a man of the land, I'm into discipline
Got a Bible in my hand and a beard on my chin
But if I finish all of my chores
and you finish thine
Then tonight we're gonna party
like it's 1699
We been spending most our lives
Living in an Amish paradise
I've churned butter once or twice
Living in an Amish paradise
It's hard work and sacrifice
Living in an Amish paradise
We sell quilts at a discount price
Living in an Amish paradise

A local boy kicked me
in the butt last week
I just smiled at him
and I turned the other cheek
I really don't care,
in fact I wish him well
'Cause I'll be laughing my head off
when he's burning in Hell
But I ain't never punched a tourist
even if he deserved it
An Amish with a 'tude?
You know that's unheard of
I never wear buttons but I got a cool hat
And my homies agree
I really look good in black... fool
If you come to visit, you'll be bored to tears
We haven't even paid the phone bill
in 300 years
But we ain't really quaint,
so please don't point and stare
We're just technologically impaired

There's no phone, no lights, no motorcar
Not a single luxury
Like Robinson Caruso
It's as primitive as can be

We been spending most our lives
Living in an Amish Paradise
We're just plain and simple guys
Living in an Amish Paradise
There's no time for sin and vice
Living in an Amish Paradise
We don't fight, we all play nice
Living in an Amish Paradise

Hitchin' up the buggy, churnin' lots of butter
Raised a barn on Monday,
soon I'll raise another
Think you're really righteous?
Think you're pure in heart?
Well, I know I'm a million time as humble
as thou art
I'm the pious guy
the little Amlettes wanna be like
On my knees day and night scorin' points
for the afterlife
So don't be vain and don't be whiny
Or else, my brother, I might have
to get medieval on your heinie

We been spending most our lives
Living in an Amish Paradise
We're all crazy Mennonites
Living in an Amish Paradise
There's no cops or traffic lights
Living in an Amish Paradise
But you'd probably think it bites
Living in an Amish Paradise