Come on in and have a chair, today's the day I clean the fridge
And we can talk while it's defrosting. Pardon all the mess!

How ya been, I just got back from Elgin Illinois, myself
For me the charm of traveling is fading, I confess

Could you grab the pot of water on the stove, so I can stick it
In the freezer? This is so archaic, don't you think?

This one last ice cube tray won't come unstuck. It's kinda welded to some broccoli
God, I think it's broccoli! Why's this broccoli pink?

How about the onion dip ? You think it's any good
Or should we toss it to the dog ? It looks okay, but I dunno

And by the way, I stopped off at the Belvedere Oasis
Which is such a pretty name for such an ugly place to go
They sell you little sandwiches about the size of Oreos
And charge you three and a quarter, but I bought one anyhow

Look at this, it's sauerkraut, now when did we have sauerkraut?
Whatever this stuff was, it sure is sauerkraut by now!

Coming back I heard a show 'bout Ahpenheimer,  Openheimer
Whatsizname and how they made the bomb to prove a point

They didn't even know if it would start a chain reaction
That would move into the atmosphere and vaporize the joint

Could you dump this ice out in the bathtub, can you dig it
Here we're dumping out the ice to make some room to make some more

How'd you like a chicken that came over with Columbus?
Well I've got one here, Don't mention it, dear. That's what friends are for

Remember back in grammar school they used to have those drills
Where they would make you crawl beneath your desk for when the bomb would come?

The hell with those evacuation routes and all those shelters
I just bought myself a desk. You know I'm really not that dumb

These carrots were a little more excited when I bought them
Lord and here's a slice of bread looks like a twenty dollar bill

Here's a thing of Tupperware that's full of marijuana
If this shit improves with age, it's probably good enough to kill

Don't ya ever wonder what became of all the activists like us
Who tried to make a little noise about the war?

They must'a got absorbed into the general flow of balderdash
And no one seems to pay 'em much attention anymore

Someday if I get it all together in my life I may go out
And get a frost free model, this one's got to go

Why would anybody keep a yam as long as I do
'Spose I thought it'd come in handy, and you never really know