I'm lighting a candle, as I'm looking through my window

To the town square, the snow covered streets are lonely and bare,

yeah

The town Christmas tree, winks mockingly at me,

Cause I should be spending Christmas with you.

I wrapped my last gift and put the cellatape away,

Checked the answering machine

And in the distance, a choir sings

aaaaahhh

About the joy that Christmas brings



And it's making me feel blue,

Cause I should be spending Christmas with you,

But it breaks my heart that that's the place I just can't be,

Cause I hate your family.



The day I met you, 

I knew you could get me through.

When we're alone, my world is complete, you're all that I need.

But when your family call, 

they shit me up the wall,

Spending time with them just makes my brain bleed.



And it's making me feel blue,

Cause I should be spending Christmas with you,

But I'd rather string my nuts up to a Christmas tree,

Cause I hate your family.



The night I first met them,

The dog was drunk,

And your father threatened me with a knife.

Your sister showed me

Her collection of eels,

And what she did then will stay with me for life.



And it's making me feel blue, 

Cause I should be spending Christmas with you,

But I'd rather drink a tumbler full of walrus wee,

Cause I hate your family.



With your brother doing dick tricks at the table,

I can't believe your mum asked me to play spin the bottle.



Yeah I'd rather be enclosed in a box of killer bees,

Yeah I'd rather be attacked by giant chimpazees,

Yeah I'd rather wear a suit designed by Jenny Keye



Your mum is dumb

And your dad is mad

And that's why I'm so sad