Tom "T-Bone" Stankus

 The elusive butterfly has just tiptoed past my door
 My bonny likes the Yankees, she says "hey t-bone what's the score?"
 I say "well, Reggie got 1 and 1 and 3 and 25 is 6 to 4"
 Is the left wing really pinko? Colonel Sanders, what a bore.
 You ask so many questions, what answers should I choose?
 Is it schizoid paranoia or just existential blues?

 The amenities of life have been chasing my soul
 And my mind is transcendental, and I'm losing all control
 And I'm sinking in the quagmire of illusions and Thoreau
 I cry out "My name is T-Bone" as a hound dog digs a hole.
 You ask so many questions, what answers should I choose?
 Is it plain as heebie-jeebies or just existential blues?

 Sailing, sailing, what is illusion, what is truth?
 Sailing, sailing, over the existential blues.
 God bless America, and Old Glory too.
 May she always wave o'er us and the red, white and existential
      blues.

 Bom-idda-bom (and more blue moon noises here)
 The existential blues.
 Hey you can do what you want but lay off my existential blues
 My blue suede existential blues.

 I was on a QUEST
 Walking down the road today, doo-dah, doo-dah
 I was walking down the road
 I was looking for the truth of life
 When I came across all these little people, little people
 Little people all around me.

 They looked up at me and said "Hey Mister, are you tall?"
 And I said "Yes I'm tall, but who are you weird little wonders?"
 And they looked up at me witht their big bloodshot eyes and said
 "We are the lollipop kids, the lollipop kids, the lollipop kids
 We are the lollipop kids, we'd like to welcome you to munchkin land."

 I said "Hey, hey, weird little wonders, I am on a quest.
 Walking on the road today doo-dah, doo-dah"
 I said "Hey kids I'm looking for the truth of life...
 Where do I go?  Who do I see?"

 "Slow down mister.  In order to find the truth of life, one must
      see THE WIZARD!"
 I said "The WIZARD????"  Well where does this wizard oh wise one live?"
 "You see the big green glow-in-the-dark house up on the hill?
 I said "Yes, I see the big green glow-in-the-dark house up on the hill"
 With the big dark forest between me and the big green glow-in-the-dark
 house up on the hill. And a little old lady on a Hoover vacuum
 cleaner going "I'll get you my little pretty, and your dog Toto too!"
 I don't even HAVE a little dog Toto...

 Such predicaments!  I must forage ahead!
 Walking down the road today, doo-dah, doo-dah
 I must find the truth of life
 I said "but you know kids, I can handle the big green glow-in-the-
 dark house up on the hill, I can handle the dark forest, I can
 handle the little old lady and the very strange road they're
 sending me down... I've seen yellow stripes in the middle of the
 road, but kids, never quite that wide!"

 Alright, tighten your shorts pilgrim, and sing like the Duke:
 Follow the yellow brick road
 Follow the yellow brick road
 Follow follow follow follow follow
 Follow the yellow brick road
 And ever a wonderful Wiz there was, the Wizard of Oz is
 one because because because because because because
 Because of the wonderful things he does.
 La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la, la-la
 We're off to see the Wizard, the wonderful Wizard of Oz.

 Well, I got a little bit tired.
 Walking down the road today, doooo-dahhhhh, dooooo-daaaaahhhhhh.
 A little bit tired of walking down this old blinding yellow
      brick road
 So I pulled my little tired body off to a little rest area,
 And lo and behold there's a little field of little red
      flowers out there
 [Sniff] Smells so good.  Whoa!  Getting pretty tired.
 Smells so good [sniff]
 Figured I'd just strectch out for a bit in this little field of...
 poppies poppies poppies poppies poppies poppies ....
 I was having a really strange dream, man, you know,
 Little red flowers just smell awfully good
 I was having a great time
 The old wizard's just going to have to wait, man.
 And I'm just going to strecth out again in this field of poppies.
 OhgodohgodDorothyDorothypoppiesfieldpoppiesfield...

 Along came this old man in a green El Dorado two
 Screeched to a halt.
 A little short man with a big red nose, toting a bottle of
      Yukon Jack,
 Strolled up to me and said "hey, son"
 I said "Old man, don't bother me, poppies poppies poppies poppies"
 He said "T-Bone"
 I said "wait a minute, this man knows my name!  He must be...
      THE WIZARD!!!!"
 You must be the Wizard, the Wizard of Oz, Why have you come to
 haunt me, O Wizard of Oz?
 I said "Oh Wizard O Wise one, I've been on a quest
 Walking down the road today, doo-dah, doo-dah
 We are the lollipop kids, the lollipop kids
 Follow the yellow brick road follow the...
 I got tired, poppies poppies poppies poppies ...
 Little man, I've been through hell!"

 He said "hey, slow down, relax!"
 I said "Oh Wizard, oh wise one, I've come so far to find the truth
      of life"
 He said "Hey, son, slow down, relax. To tell you the truth, son..."
 I said "Wizard, that's what I've come to find is the truth"
 He said "no, son, you've got me all wrong. To tell you the truth,
      son, how can I tell you this?  Uh, I've been in this field
      of poppies a long time, myself, and I've come to find, son,
      that the only truth in life is right here in this bottle."
 I said "WIZARD!!!?!??!?"
 He said "No, truly, son, in fact, I'd rather have this bottle
      in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy!"

 How profound, Wizard!

 Some girl with psychic powers, she said "T-bone, what's your
      sign"
 I blink and answer "Neon," I thought I'd blow her mind.
 She's reading Moby Dick, by some fruitcake named Herman.
 She's chomping of some knockwurst
 Are the [indeciperable] really German?
 You ask so many questions, what answers should I choose?
 Is this really Butte, Montana or just existential blues?

 Really Butte, Montana... is as plain as heebie-jeebies...
 Is it schizoid paranoia....

 la-la-la-la-la-la-la

 EXISTENTIAL BLUES