You got a face on the front you got a face on the back
Your beard is so long it's going down your back
You're so ugly mirrors you crack
Down a back alley you'd better mind your back
You're so uglyÂ…
Where others got skin you got scales
You look a bit green and a bit pale
At genteel conversation you're gonna fail
You're as slimy as a garden snail
You got a bird's nest in your beard, you hang around 
looking weird
You open your mouth saying something queer, as you drink 
twenty pints of beer
You're so uglyÂ…
You've got less charm than Attila the Hun
You got a dirty face and a dirty bum
Adolf Hitler would have been a chum
You're a dirty low-life piece of scum
You're a bearded leady in the freakshow, when they look 
at you you let them know
You can use more holes than they can show, the hate from 
you is quick to flow
You're so uglyÂ…
The little kids want to pull your beard you stab them 
with your spear
When they say is it real, sometimes you let them have a 
feel (of your fist)
UglyÂ…
Ugly JoeÂ…