Masturbating Jimmy with his pot of Vaseline
In the toilet cistern with his porno magazines
Their pages stuck together from where he does spurt
And on his pot of Vaseline pubic hairs inert

Masturbating Jimmy ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah
Masturbating Jimmy ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah
Masturbating Jimmy ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah
Masturbating Jimmy ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah

Masturbating Jimmy it suffers his schoolwork
‘Cause when he does his homework
He just jerks and jerks and jerks
Masturbating Jimmy he's going to lose his mind
And if he doesn't lose it then he's going to go blind
Masturbating Jimmy ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah
Masturbating Jimmy ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah
Masturbating Jimmy ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah
Masturbating Jimmy ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah

Masturbating Jimmy does it ten times a day
And twenty times twenty times on a Sunday
Well Masturbating Jimmy this has got to stop
Otherwise your knob your knob your knob it will fall 
off

Masturbating Jimmy ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah
Masturbating Jimmy ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah
Masturbating Jimmy ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah
Well you've only got a pint and a half
And you've almost used the lot