Never been to school, I've never been to college
Sooner be dead than stuff me 'ead with a load of 
useless knowledge
I never couldn't see no point in 'istory
Cuz I weren't there, so I don't care, so don't tell I 
tell 'ee!
Don't tell I tell 'ee
That's my philosophy
When folks do cuss and start to fuss
Dont tell I tell 'ee
Young Sarah Jones one day, got in the family way
Her father come with a gurt big gun, said "Ee, you'll 
have to pay"
He chased I up a tree, I 'ollered "Leave I be!
I 'appen to know, t'were old Fred Snow, so don't blame 
I blame 'ee!"
Dont tell I tell 'ee
That's my philosophy
When folk do swear and tear their hair
Don't tell I tell 'ee
I took a ride one night, a PC hove inside 
He made it up because I've got no brakes, no bell, no 
light
"I'll sling the book at 'ee" that copper said with glee
I said "Sling all you like, 'tis your dad's bike, so 
don't tell I tell 'ee!"
Dont tell I tell 'ee
That's my philosophy
When folks do fuss and start to cuss
Dont tell I, tell 'ee
I got a lift to town, from good old Farmer Brown
In a ten-ton truck wi' a load o' muck, and when 'e set 
us down
A drink we did agree, it would be good for we
The barmaid rolled, she 'eld 'er nose, I said "Don't 
smell I, smell 'ee!"
Dont tell I tell 'ee
Thats my philosophy
When folk do swear and tear their hair
Dont tell I tell 'ee
So vicar came along, 'ee said "You know 'tis wrong
You gets tight on a Friday night", I answered 'ee real 
strong
"Now parson, you'll agree. The Lord created me
And I'm afraid tis 'ow I'm made, so dont tell I, tell 
'ee!"