[Spoken:] This select holiday album is brought to you in part by
Commercials! Commercials! Commercials! Commercialism!

I bought my brother a video game
my brother bought my mom some vancy earrings
My mom bought my dad some shirts and ties
and my dad got stuck working overtime

Merry fucking Christmas off to work we go
slaving away like a HO HO HO
saving all year pinching nickels and dimes
so we can blow it all at Christmas time
so we can blow it all at Christmas time

visiting the same darn houses each year
exchanging gifts with the ones we hold dear
listening to stories we don't really want to hear
if you care to see them more than once a year

Merry fucking Christmas HO HO HO
December 26th back to work we go
hammerin' away until next year
so we can blow it all at Christmas time
so we can blow it all at Christmas time

I bought my brother a video game
my brother bought my mom some vancy earrings
My mom bought my dad some shirts and ties
and my dad got stuck working overtime

Merry fucking Christmas off to work we go
slaving away like a HO HO HO
saving all year pinching nickels and dimes
so we can blow it all at Christmas time
so we can blow it all at Christmas time