She had massive melons and I wanted bang her beaver,
She had real bad breath and a touch of the pox,
But I ripped off her bags and her sweaty socks,
And I Rattled my 'tatoes against her dirt box.

Spread your legs and get your knickers down.
Spread your legs and don't make a sound,
I'm God's gift to women in this fuckin' town,
So spread your legs and get your knickers down.

She said I was good looking
And I looked a bit like George Michael,
But she didn't want a fuckin' she were on her menstrual cycle,
So I gives her a lift down to Sandbats.
She after some grub, she were on the cadge,
So I got some meat and stuffed it up her vag.

Spread your legs and get your knickers down,
Spread your legs and don't make a sound,
I'm God's gift to women in this fuckin' town,
So spread your legs and get your knickers down.

It were a messy job, but I kept my shirt on.
A penny round collar that I got from Burton's,
And I got a good taste of her Bird's Eye big curtains....

Spread your legs and get your knickers down,
Spread your legs and don't make a sound,
I'm God's gift to women in this fuckin' town,
So spread your legs and get your knickers down.
(Repeat