Hello... brodies... welcome... thanks for comin, uh
This would be the second annual Incredibad Jalarpe?o Eatoff
Uh, we've got some fierce competitors today starting with myself, Samboni
To my left is the infamous Broseph Stalin
And wrapping things up will be J-to-the-Orgustavson
So uh, without further ado, the Communist law will be laid down by Broseph Stalin
Broseph, uh, the floor is yours

Here I come
There I go
Broseph Stalin off that jalarpe?o
Uh oh!
It's gettin hot and spicy
I eat 'em raw
You take 'em breaded lightly
Filled with cream cheese
Sex symbol
I eat all them jalape?os for the hammersicle

Alright, that was Broseph Stalin, rippin it up
Next up you're gonna hear something from me, Samboni
Hold on to your hats, cause I love jalarpe?os

I'm a sucker for bong blows and college frat bros (yeah)
Passed out hoes, bros, and jalape?os
Jalape?os, hotter than pepperoncinis, you know
Samboni eat 'em fast, the others be eatin slow (yeah)
There was an old lady who lived in a shoe
Had so many jalape?os, didn't know what to do
And she said: "It's gettin hot in herre, so eat jalape?os"
All my amigos eat jalape?os, uh oh! (yeah)

That was my verse, I thought it was pretty solid
But, we got a real treat for ya
Even though me and the other bros have been eatin a lotta jalars
This last guy eats the most
He goes by the name of J-to-the-Orgustavson, and he's gonna blow your mindballs

Hi kids, do you like violence?
Wanna see me eat jalarpe?os til they're popping out my eyelids?
You wanna eat the most and win the contest, just like I did?
Well you can't, and if you someone told you could, well then they lied-ed
Ninety percent of my life, I been lied to
Like Broseph tryin to say he eats more jalapies than I do?
And Samboni goes...
Nothing, you idiots!
His mouth is closed, full of jalarpe?os
But if you feel like I feel, I got the antidote:
Women wave your pantyhose, eat your jalapenios
Cause I'm J-to-the-Orgustavson, the real J-to-the-Orgustavson

Okay, alright, no that was solid stuff
Uh, I wanna thank everyone for comin out
Uh, with the possible exception of J-to-the-Orgustavson, who we all despise
But lookit, uh, there are no losers here today, only winners
And by that of course I mean myself
Uh, see you next year at the old Incredibad Jalarpe?o Eatoff-ah

This is Samboni, sayin goodbye, yeah
Samboni
On the outro