Now let me tell of a shop that fills me with dread
It's blue and it's yellow but I always see red
It's a furniture store that makes me want to shout
'Cos once you've entered, you can't find your way out!

That's why I fear Ikea
I won't go there again
I don't want a bookcase called Billy
Or a table called Sven

Just don't go of a Satdee if you don't want fer queue
And that doesn't include th'hour sat on the M62
If you go of a Wednesday, well it just makes you laugh
It's the size of Belgium but there's no bloody staff!

That's why I fear Ikea
I won't go there again
I don't want a bookcase called Billy
Or a table called Sven

It's a good 10 mile walk if you just want a shelf.
Hang on, you want me to go in the warehouse and pick it meself?
Well, I struggled with trolley I didn't get very far
And the boxes were that big they didn't fit in the car!

That's why I fear Ikea
I won't go there again
I don't want a bookcase called Billy
Or a table called Sven

Michael Palin he's traveled the world once or twice
They said: 'Why don't you explore Ikea Michael? That'd be nice'
Well, the men at the Beeb must have been off their heads
He went missing a week ago between kitchens and beds!

That's why I fear Ikea
I won't go there again
I don't want a bookcase called Billy
Or a table called Sven

That's why I fear Ikea
I won't go there again
I don't want a bookcase called Billy
Or a table called Sven