'Cause he gets up in the morning
And he goes to work at nine
And he comes back home at five-thirty
Gets the same train every time
'Cause his world is built 'round punctuality
It never fails

And he's oh, so good
And he's oh, so fine
And he's oh, so healthy
In his body and his mind
He's a well respected man about town
Doing the best things so conservatively

And his mother goes to meetings
While his father pulls the maid
And she stirs the tea with councilors
While discussing foreign trade
And she passes looks, as well as bills
At every suave young man

'Cause he's oh, so good
And he's oh, so fine
And he's oh, so healthy
In his body and his mind
He's a well respected man about town
Doing the best things so conservatively

And he likes his own backyard
And he likes his fags the best
'Cause he's better than the rest
And his own sweat smells the best
And he hopes to grab his father's loot
When Peter passes on

'Cause he's oh, so good
And he's oh, so fine
And he's oh, so healthy
In his body and his mind
He's a well respected man about town
Doing the best things so conservatively

And he plays at stocks and shares
And he goes to the Regatta
And he adores the girl next door
'Cause he's dying to get at her
But his mother knows the best about
The matrimonial stakes

'Cause he's oh, so good
And he's oh, so fine
And he's oh, so healthy
In his body and his mind
He's a well respected man about town
Doing the best things so conservatively