On the night that celebrity X confesses her love
For celebrity Z by the dark brooding sea
In a velvet armchair she sits, and from the terrace
Celebrity Y can be seen passing by
On Peter Fonda’s Harley that he rides to the sea with celebrity V

Electrical storm and the flash of a silver knife
And celebrity U is with W’s wife
As he leans in for a kiss on a moonlit precipice
While celebrity R’s in a train station bar
And in the bar's back mirror sees a heartsick celebrity T
And her eyes like a dart go straight through his heart
Fast-forward that evening to the party of celebrity P
Now she's feeding him snails with her long painted nails

But let us go to celebrity O
Who is drinking a sherry with a tall emissary
And he’s pressing the keys and the sad melodies resound
And his eyes on an artifact fall
Dated sometime between the mid and late byzantine
He excuses himself, draws close to the shelf

Now celebrity N asks a downcast celebrity M
If her marriage is hell to celebrity L
While celebrity J, by a fountain of deathly gray
Is watching spiders sashay with celebrity K
Now the rain is cascading and the moonlight is fading
And celebrity I is out masquerading
Where young supermodels are out shooting empty bottles
With celebrity H by a swan haunted lake

Meanwhile at the mansion
The maid is in search of comet 
To clean up the champagne and the vomit
Of celebrity G, who's just learned of the double death
Of celebrity E and celebrity F
Now she falls at the feet of oblivious celebrity D
Engaged in a debate on which role he should take
The lead in an adaptation of Dostoevsky’s "The Double,"
Or a live-action Barney Rubble

Meanwhile, celebrity C
Is rattled awake by a monstrous quake
And celebrity B, from a dark balcony descends
A suicide note is found in the coat
Of celebrity A in a dark cabaret
And it's sealed and addressed to celebrity X