Evil killer pretzels from a distant world
Killing me, killing you, sinful dough is curled
Friendly foot long frankfurters combat our evil foes
Satanic pretzels everywhere, dwell between our toes
Eat them one, eat them all, don't let them eat your mind
Stomp on them, spit on them let none of them survive
They've come to kill, come to crush, to raze our chilidogs
Cherish your sausage before you're eating frogs

Look inside the pretzel bag, see the cold, see the dead
Reach inside the pretzel bag, feel the cold, feel the dead
Listen to the pretzel bag, hear the cold, hear the dead
SALZSTANGEN!

Don't listen to the propaganda of wicked Auntie Anne
Fight back with all your might, stick it to the man
Satanic pastry of wheat-flower and yeast
On sodium hydroxide and carbonate we feast
Help us Oscar Meyer before it is to late
This horrid, crunchy, warm, and delicious sticky fate
Now we must fight back against our evil overlords
Cut them in half with super samurai swords.

Look inside the pretzel bag, see the cold, see the dead
Reach inside the pretzel bag, feel the cold, feel the dead
Listen to the pretzel bag, hear the cold, hear the dead
SALZSTANGEN!

Look inside the pretzel bag, see the cold, see the dead
Reach inside the pretzel bag, feel the cold, feel the dead
Listen to the pretzel bag, hear the cold, hear the dead