Through a long and sleepless night

I thought upon the jury's plight

If what is wrong can feel so right

then life's no longer black and white

It's four o'clock and all's not well

in my private circle of hell

I contemplate my navel hair

and slowly slide into despair

This rut has fast become a trench

This smell has turned into the stench

of rotten dreams and stale ideals

The past is snapping at my heels

Oh Danny Boy the pipes are blocked

with bedtime blues and future shock

I know the best is yet to come

but does it always take this long?


I can put on the perfume, even wear the dress sometimes

But I'll always be the bridegroom and never the bride


You deserve to be horse-whipped

But I've no horse, that joke's so shit

And whips would only make it worse

Don't tempt the lonely and perverse

The casualties of casual sex

The child of three with X-ray specs

The conman low in self esteem

The Casanova in your dreams

I'll scream and scream and scream until

I've made myself critically ill

in hospital, in case you're there

in uniform, intensive care

I know you'll be the death of me

but what a cool death that would be

I'd rather die than be deprived

of Wonderbras and thunder thighs


I can put on the perfume, even wear the dress sometimes

But I'll always be the bridegroom and never the bride


Bored of normality? why not go daft?

It's easy to do if you try

Slide right back down that self-confident path

you've just so laboriously climbed

Pickle your liver and addle your brain

Live the Bohemian life

Die young and penniless somewhere in Spain

Then again you could try just to live your own life

In the way that you find most amusing

I DON'T REALLY CARE!


I can put on the perfume, even wear the dress sometimes

But I will always be the bridegroom and I will never be the bride

Never be the bride