A man came ridin' oot the west one wild and stormy day

He was quiet , lean, and hungry - his eyes were smokey grey

He was lean across the hurdies, but his shooders they were big

The terror o' the heilan glens - that was the Portree Kid



Hee-durum-ho

Hee-durum-hey

The tuechter, that come, frae Skye



His sidekick was an aura man, n oh but he was mean

He was called The Midnight Ploughboy, n he come frae Aberdeen

He had twentyseven notches on his chromac so they say

And he killed a million indians - way up in Stornoway



Portree booted in the door, he sauntered tae the bar

He poured a shot ay Crabby's, he shouted 'slainte bha'

While Midnight was bein chatted up, by a bar room girl called Pam

Who said well howdy stranger, would ye buy us a Babycham



Now over in the corner sat three men fae Auchtertool

They were playing games for money, in a Snakes and Ladders school

The fourth man was a Southerner, who'd come up from MacMerry

He'd been a river Gambler, on the Ballachulish ferry



Hee-durum-ho

Hee-durum-hey

The teuchter, that come, fae Skye



Portree walked tae the table, and he shouted shake me in

He shougled on the egg cup, he gave the dice a spin

He threw seven sixes in a row, and the game was nearly done

But then he landed on a snake, and finished on square one



The game was nearly over, and Portree was dain fine

He'd landed on a ladder, he was up tae fortynine

he only had but one tae go, and the other man was beat

But the gambler couped the boared oer, and shouted you're a cheat



Men dived behind the rubber plants, tae try and save their skins

Tha accordianist stopped playin, his sidekick dropped the spoons

He said I think it's funny, ye've been up that ladder twice

n ye ayways dunt the table, when i go tae throw me dice



Hee-durum-ho

Hee-durum-hey

The teuchter, that come, fae Skye



The gambler drew his skian-dhu, as fast as lightning speed

Portree grabbed a screwtop, he cracked him oer the heed

Then he gave him laldy wi a salmon aff the wall

And he finished off the business, wi his lucky grouse foot's claw



Portree he walked up tae the bar, and says i'll hae a half

And dae ye like the way i stuck it, tae that wee McMerri nyaf

But the Southerner crept up behind, his featured racked wi pain

And he gubbed him wi an ashtray, made oot a curlin stane



The fight went ragin on all night, till openin time next day

Break for soup n stovies, off a coronation tray

It was gettin kinda obvious that neither man would win

when came the shout that stopped it aw, 'there's a bus trip comin' in'



Hee-durum-ho

Hee-durum-hey

The teuchter, that come, fae Skye



They sing this song in Gallasheils, n up by Peterheed

Way down oer the border, across the Rio Tweed

About what became of Portree, Midnight and the Gamblin man

They opened up a gift shop, sellin' fresh air in a can



Hee-durum-ho

Hee-durum-hey

The teuchter, that come, fae Skye