I got exterminated bugs
I got a house that goes from over there to here
Yeah, my basement's full of fine imported beer.
But I got somethin' -- somethin' in my ear
I got ducks that float
I got a power boat
I got a wife who's almost got her MBA
In every argument I always get my way
But when I walk my dog, he always runs away

   One inch away from heaven
   I'm on a train that's bound for glory
   But as I ride those shining rails
   I always bite my nails

I got tubeless tires
I got phones without wires
I got a hundred-year-old bonsai redwood tree
I've had successful arthroscopic surgery (on his knee)
But last Friday a pigeon pooped on me

   One inch away from heaven
   I've almost made it to Nirvana
   It's the little things that teach
   Perfection's out of reach

I got a way with girls
I got natural curls
I got a straight man when I want to take a fall
There's an autographed photo of the Pope on my wall
But when I phone him, he never returns my call
But when I phone him, he never returns my call
But when I phone that Pope, he never returns
   my call (Pope John Paul