May I have your attention please (2x)?

Did you ever read Voltaire's "Candide"?
He says live life at Benny Hill freak out speed
Not a quote of what he wrote but a paraphrase
Make it up as you go Keyser Soze
Highlights yes but don't underline 'em
Just live for N.O.W. like Gloria Steinern
Life is like Marion Barry
It's not all that it's cracked up to be
Like Fred Sanford when the big one comes
Find the meaning of life is there is none
It's twenty-four hours when you call it a day
Be Frank and say "I Did It My Way"
Don't give a flying nun no don't give a Gidget
Just have more fun than a well-oiled midget
If life were picture perfect you could frame it
But the world is a diaper so let someone else change it.

Life is an aimless drive that ya take alone
Might as well enjoy the ride take the long way home.

May I have your attention please (2x)?

All born equal unless you're Canadian
Then halfway through decay like Uranium
You define what's death-defying
Get the most out of life or at the least die trying
Are you Evil Knievel jumping a train?
Or running with scissors like Frasier Crane?
Have really good times doing really bad things
'Cause the show ain't over 'til the fat lady sings
Like elton John with his candle in the wind
It's hard to blow out a flame as big as him
But we've all got to Wang CHung with the Grim Reaper
Whether you're einstein whether you're Beaker
Death is certain so it's definitely worth flirtin'
don't expect a bright light no just curtains
Life is like a penis most people don't know it
But most people suck so they usually blow it.

Life is an aimless drive that ya take alone
Might as well enjoy the ride take the long way home (2x).

That's enough!
I said that's enough!