Woman goes to heaven, it's not important when

'Cause as soon as she arrives God has to send her down again

'You've got an extra five years to clean up after men'

'I mean no disrespect God, but you better make it ten'



Well if heaven's an improvement I won't mind the extra squeeze

I've got a few more birds down there God, after losing bees

Trying to lose their bees



So don't be shocked who queue-jumps or who just calmly waits

A certain type of behaviour the guest list just creates

No time for lively discussion

No time for televised debates

The well-meaning soon become the well meant

It's the hard sell or hell at the gates



Alcoholic finds himself outside the pearly gates

I've only got one worry God, a few outstanding slates

Any tab you used to have's been passed to so called mates

And after they've paid-up they're off to the land of empty crates



Heaven is a glass, neither half empty nor half full

So do us all a favour God and give that thing a pull

Give that thing a pull



So don't be shocked who queue-jumps or who just calmly waits

A certain type of behaviour the guest list just creates

No time for lively discussion

No time for televised debates

The well-meaning soon become the well meant

It's the hard sell or hell at the gates



Model turns up hours late, he had to get it right

If you're gonna look cool in heaven wear something more than white

Vanity's close to arrogance, just slightly more polite

Fashion show a jumble sale at a slightly different height



So don't be shocked who queue-jumps or who just calmly waits

A certain type of behaviour the guest list just creates

No time for lively discussion

No time for televised debates

The well-meaning soon become the well meant

It's the hard sell or hell at the gates