Dear Slim, I wrote you, but you still ain't callin'
I left my cell, my pager, and my home phone at the bottom
I sent two letters back in autumn, you must not-a got 'em
There probably was a problem at the post office or somethin'
Sometimes, I scribble addresses too sloppy when I jot 'em
But anyways, fuck it, what's been up
Man, how's you're daughter
My girlfriend's pregnant, too, I'm 'bout to be a father
If I have a daughter, guess what I'mma call her
I'mma name her Bonnie
I read about your Uncle Ronnie, too, I'm sorry
I had a friend kill himself over some bitch who didn't want him
I know you probably hear this everyday, but I'm your biggest fan
I even got the underground shit you did with Scam
I got a room full of your posters and your pictures, man
I like the stuff you did with Ruckus, too, that shit was phat
Anyways, I hope you get this, man
Hit me back, just to chat
Truly yours, your biggest fan
This is Stan

But you don't have to call anymore
I won't pick up the phone
This is the last straw
Don't wanna hurt anymore

And you can tell me that you're sorry
But I don't believe you, baby
Like I did before
You're not sorry, no, no, oh

Dear Slim, you still ain't called or wrote
I hope you have a chance
I ain't mad, I just think it's fucked up you don't answer fans
If you didn't wanna talk to me outside your concert, you didn't have to
But you coulda signed an autograph for Matthew
He's only six years old
We waited in the blistering cold for you
Four hours and you just said "No"
That's pretty shitty, man, you're like his fucking idol
He wants to be just like you, man, he likes you more than I do
I ain't that mad, though. I just don't like being lied to
Remember when we met back in Denver, you said if I'd write you
You would write back, see, I'm just like you in a way
I never knew my father, neither
He used to always cheat on my mom and beat her
I can relate to what you're saying in your songs
So when I have a shitty day, I drift away and put 'em on
'Cause I don't really got shit else
So that shit helps, when I'm depressed
I even got a tattoo of your name across the chest
Sometimes I even cut myself to see how much it bleeds
It's like adrenaline, the pain is such a sudden rush for me
See, everything you say is real, and I respect it 'cause you tell it
My girlfriend's jealous 'cause I talk about you 24/7
But she don't know you like I know you, Slim, no one does
She don't know what it was like for people like us growin' up
You gotta call me, man, I'll be the biggest fan you'll ever lose
Sincerely yours, Stan
P.S.: We should be together, too

But you don't have to call anymore
I won't pick up the phone
This is the last straw
Don't wanna hurt anymore

And you can tell me that you're sorry
But I don't believe you, baby
Like I did before
You're not sorry, no, no, oh

Dear Mr I'm-Too-Good-To-Call-Or-Write-My-Fans
This'll be the last package I ever send your ass
It's been six months and still no word, I don't deserve it
I know you got my last two letters
I wrote the addresses on 'em perfect
So this is my cassette I'm sending you, I hope you hear it
I'm in the car right now. I'm doing 90 on the freeway
Hey Slim, I drank a fifth of vodka, you dare me to drive
You know the song by Phil Collins, "In the Air of the Night"
About that guy who coulda saved that other guy from drowning
But didn't, then Phil saw it all, then at a show he found 'em
That's kinda how this is, you coulda rescued me from drowning
Now it's too late, I'm on a thousand downers, now, I'm drowsy'
And all I wanted was a lousy letter or a call
I hope you know I ripped all you're pictures off the wall
I love you, Slim, we coulda been together; think about it
You've ruined it, now, I hope you can't sleep and you dream about it
And when you dream, I hope you can't sleep and you scream about it
I hope you're conscience eats at you and you can't breathe without me
See Slim, shut up, bitch! I'm tryin' to talk
Hey Slim, that's my girlfriend screamin' in the trunk
But I didn't slit her throat, I just tied her up
See I ain't like you 'cause if she suffocates she'll suffer more, then she'll die too
Well, gotta go, I'm almost at the bridge, now
Oh shit, I forgot, how am I supposed to send this shit out

You had me falling for you, honey
And it never would've gone away, no
You used to shine so bright
But I watched all of it fade

So you don't have to call, anymore
I won't pick up the phone
This is the last straw
Don't wanna hurt anymore

And you can tell me that you're sorry
But I don't believe you, baby
Like I did before
You're not sorry, no, no, oh
No, oh oh