ARTIE

Hey, Gillis! We'd give you up.

Let me take your coat

Jesus, Joe, what's this made of? Mink?

Who did you borrow this from? Adolphe Menjou?



JOE

Close, but no cigar.

Hey! It's quite a crowd



ARTIE

I invited all the kids doing walk-ons in "Samson and Delilah".



BETTY

Where have you been hiding? I called your apartment.

I called your ex-agent. I was about to call the Bureau of Missing Persons.



JOE

Well, they always know where to find me.



RICHARD A

Hey, Sammy!

You gotta say your New Year's resolution out loud

Jean!



JEAN

By this time next year

I'll have landed a juicy part



STEVE

Nineteen fifty will be my start



RICHARD T

No more carrying spears



MARY

I'll be discovered

My life won't ever be the same

Billy Wilder will know my name

And he'll call all the time



KATHERINE

'Til he does, can one of you guys lend her a dime?



ALISA

Just an apartment

With no roaches and no dry rot



ANITA

Where the hot water comes out hot



BOTH

That's my Hollywood dream



RICHARD A

Your resolution



JOANNA

Is to write something that gets shot

With approximately the plot

I first had in my head



MYRON

But you'll get rewritten even after you're dead



RICHARD A

Artie!



ARTIE

It's the year to begin a new life

Buy a place somewhere quiet, somewhere pretty

When you have a young kid and a wife

Then you need somewhere green, far from the city

It's a rambling old house with a big apple tree

With a swing for the kid and a hammock for me



SAMMY

Behold, my children

It is I, Cecil B. DeMille

Meeting me must be quite a thrill



ADAM

But there's no need to kneel



SAMMY

I guarantee you

Every girl in my chorus line

Is a genuine Philistine



SANDY

They don't come off the shelf



SAMMY

I flew every one in from Philistia myself



BETTY

I have some good news

It's "Blind Windows"



JOE

You don't let go



BETTY

I gave Sheldrake an outline, Joe

And he swallowed the bait



JOE

Well, hallelujah!



BETTY

While you've been buying vicuna coats

I've been making a lot of notes

Now there's work we should do...



JOE

Betty, you're forgetting that I gave it to you

You remind me of me long ago

Off the bus, full of ignorant ambition

Thought I'd waltz into some studio

And achieve overnight recognition

I've seen too many optimists sinking like stones

Felt them suck all the marrow clean out of my bones



BETTY

I love "Blind Windows"

But I can't write it on my own

Can't we speak on the telephone?

All my evenings are free



ARTIE

Hey, just a minute

I'm the fellow who bought the ring



BETTY

Artie, this is a business thing

It's important to me

You'll be on location in Clinch, Tennessee

Please make this your New Year's resolution for me



ALL

By this time next year

I will get my foot in the door

Next year I know I'm going to score

An amazing success



Cut to the moment

When they open the envelope

Pass the statuette to Bob Hope

And it's my name you hear



We'll be down on our knees

Outside Grauman's Chinese

Palm prints there on the street

Immortality's neat!

This time next year

This time next year



We'll have nothing to fear

Contracts all signed

Three-picture deal

Yellow brick road career

Hope we're not still saying these things

This time next year



JOE

You know, I think I will be available in the New Year. In fact, I'm available right now.



BETTY

Joe, that's great!



JOE

Hey, Artie, where's your phone?



ARTIE

Under the bar.



JOE

Hey, Artie. You think you could put me up for a couple of weeks?



ARTIE

It just so happens we've got a vacancy on the couch.



JOE

I'll take it.



MAX

Yes?



JOE

Max, it's Mr. Gillis. I want you to do me a favour.



MAX

I'm sorry, Mr. Gillis. I can't talk right now.



JOE

Listen, I want you to take my old suitcases...



MAX

I'm sorry, I am attending to Madame.



JOE

What do you mean?



MAX

Madame found the razor in your room. And she's cut her wrists.



ALL

Three, two, one, Happy New Year!



Should auld acquiantance be forgot

And never brought to mind

Should auld acquiantance be forgot

And days of auld lang syne

For auld lang syne, my dear

For auld lang syne

We'll take a cup of kindness yet

For the sake of auld lang syne