Katy Kerlan was my first kiss.
I was only five years as she hit me with her purse.
I had braces on my legs and I always fell down.
And from that day moving forward I've been petrified of blondes.

Oh Patricia, she was my first love.
She said I hate what's behind me and I couldn't breathe.
I gave her Pink Floyd - Animals when we were in sixth grade.
And it was on her turntable when I met her on Sunday.

Her mom was gone, we were listening to Dogs.
She reached down my pants and discovered I was bald.
And when I touched her down there she was blossoming and soft.
And the next day at school she ignored me in the hall.

Shelly and Amber gave me my first taste.
I went down on them both at Amber's parents' place.
We were drunk as skunks and high on darvon.
And they gave me a bath and I stumbled on home.

Mary Anne was my first fuck.
She slide down between my legs and oh my god she could suck.
I went with her friend first but I couldn't get it in.
And when she caught me with Mary Anne her heart was broken.

Mary Anne got cold and abruptly broke it off for a guy with sweatpants and a pick-up truck. I begged her not to dump me and I pleaded no.
But her body language told me it was time for me to go.

The guy with the truck picked me up and brought me home.
I sat down at my piano and my spirit was low.
But I pulled myself together and I played a few notes.
Now I was the one who got their heart broke.

I met a girl named Debra, she lived on a canal.
She made me eggs in the morning, she was such a sweet gal.
And we went to Red Lobster and we went to Tangir's.
She had motherly love, she was woman, she cared.
She was a beautiful girl and she had a big heart,
But I drifted away because there wasn't that spark.

Oh the complicated mess of s** and love.
When you give that first stinger you're the one who gets stung.
And when you lose control and how good it feels to c**.
You ain't a pimp like a dog getting into someone.

Oh rejection how it hurts so much, when you can't love the one you've been longing to touch.
And there's always something else and it don't feel right.
And you wonder if they're coming together all night.

Get your own trash, the cycle's on and on.
And nobody's right and nobody's wrong.
All her shakes sometimes we were drawn.
It's a complicated place, this planet we're on.