The girl has got a hole kinda like the Grand Canyon 

No there ain't a jimmy that the jenny would abandon 

Doesn't matter, short, fat, thin, wide 

Jumps up, spreads her legs, down, boom, what a ride 

Got a second pair of lips that flap in the breeze 

She can stretch 'em from her hips on down to her knees 

There's a hole in the middle of her panty hose 

And she found a new use for a garden hose 

Don't try to satisfy if you go to ram her  

Unless you can compete with her new jackhammer 

I see her all around and her round behind 

Is always bouncin' up and down on anything she can find 

Any surface will do, no need for a bed 

Enough yeast infections to bake a loaf of bread 

Hell hath no fury like her doggy style 

Ever since she was a child she's been gettin' buck-wild 



"Would you, could you, on a plane? 

Would you, could you, on a train? 

Would you, could you, on a boat? 

Would you, could you, with a goat?".  



It's possible the girl is finally going to be happy 

I think she found a guy that can satisfy the nappy 

Her son will be proud to learn his father was valiant 

But I bet he'll be upset when he learns he was a stallion 

Makes men out of boys, dogs, bananas and tadpoles 

Straddles fire hydrants and occasionally flagpoles 

Turns on when you abuse yourself 

If you wanna get lucky introduce yourself 

At the petting zoo she finds a lot more to do 

More up and down movements than a kangaroo 

Under rhinos and elephants, living or dead 

Gave an ostrich a new place to bury his head 

Fantasizing about the force of Yoda 

While sittin' on a two-liter bottle of soda 

Spreads her legs and kills people with the smell 

She's a bona fide, certified, psycho slut from hell



After years of abuse anything is gonna fit 

The nappy dugout has turned into a bottomless pit 

Once she's in place a crane can't move her 

She rams like a truck and sucks like a Hoover 

Goin' at it strong since the age of nine 

Now she goes through men like an assembly line 

Homeboy's done and then, thank you, come again 

Back in ten minutes cause they're gonna have fun again 

Maine, California, everywhere between 

Been nicknamed the All American Scream Machine 

Those with back and heart trouble shouldn't ride 

Make sure your lap bars are secured and tight 

She's lookin' to get married to a guy who can thrill her 

You know, someone who can rock like Godzilla  

This week's contestants have lined up behind her 

If you're lookin' for the girl you just might find her 

On Will, on Jack, on Dave, on Kevin 

On Eric, on Joseph, maybe even on Steve 

On Peter, on Scott, on John, on Tony 

On Todd, on Ken, and would you believe 

On Mark, on Jerry, on Jim, on Mike 

On Jeff, on Larry with a dog in there with 'em 

On Jack, on Marvin, on Allan, on Dan 

On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen