[Fredrik]

She lightens my sadness, 

She livens my days, 

She bursts with a kind of madness 

My well-ordered ways. 

My happiest mistake, the ache of my life: 

You must meet my wife. 

She bubbles with pleasure, 

She glows with surprise, 

Disrupts my accustomed leisure 

And ruffles my ties. 

I don't know even now quite how it began. 

You must meet my wife, my Anne. 

One thousand whims to which I give in, 

Since her smallest tear turns me ashen. 

I never dreamed that I could live in 

So completely demented, contented a fashion. 

So sunlike, so winning, 

So unlike a wife. 

I do think that I'm beginning 

To show signs of life. 

Don't ask me how at my age one still can grow-- 

If you met my wife, you'd know.



[Desiree (speaking):]



Dear Fredrik, 

I'm just longing to meet her. 

Sometime. 



[Fredrik]



She sparkles... 



[Desiree]



How pleasant. 



[Fredrik]



She twinkles... 



[Desiree]



How nice. 



[Fredrik]



Her youth is a sort of present-- 



[Desiree]



Whatever the price. 



[Fredrik]



The incandescent--what?--the-- 



[Desiree (offering a cigarette):]



Light? 



[Fredrik]



--of my life. 

You must meet my wife. 



[Desiree]



Yes, I must. I really must. 

Now-- 



[Fredrik]



She flutters. 



[Desiree]



How charming. 



[Fredrik]



She twitters. 



[Desiree]



My word! 



[Fredrik]



She floats. 



[Desiree]



Isn't that alarming? 

What is she, a bird? 



[Fredrik]



She makes me feel I'm--what?-- 



[Desiree]



A very old man. 



[Fredrik]



Yes--no! 



[Desiree]



No? 



[Fredrik]



But-- 



[Desiree]



I must meet your Gertrude. 



[Fredrik]



My Anne. 



[Desiree]



Sorry--Anne. 



[Fredrik]



She loves my voice, my walk, my mustache, 

The cigar, in fact, that I'm smoking. 

She'll watch me puff until it's just ash, 

Then she'll save the cigar butt. 



[Desiree]



Bizarre, but 

You're joking. 



[Fredrik]



She dotes on-- 



[Desiree]



Your dimple. 



[Fredrik]



My snoring. 



[Desiree]



How dear. 



[Fredrik]



The point is, she's really simple. 



[Desiree]



Yes, that much seems clear. 



[Fredrik]



She gives me funny names-- 



[Desiree]



Like? 



[Fredrik]



"Old Dry-as-Dust." 



[Desiree]



Wouldn't she just? 



[Fredrik]



You must meet my wife. 



[Desiree]



Yes, I must, yes, I must. 



[Fredrik]



A sea of whims that I submerge in, 

Yet so loveable in repentance. 

Unfortunately still a virgin, 

But you can't force a flower-- 



[Desiree]



Don't finish that sentence! 

She's monstrous! 



[Fredrik]



She's frightened. 



[Desiree]



Unfeeling! 



[Fredrik]



Unversed. 

She'd strike you as unenlightened-- 



[Desiree]



No, I'd strike her first. 



[Fredrik]



Her reticence, her apprehension-- 



[Desiree]



Her crust! 



[Fredrik]



No! 



[Desiree]



Yes! 



[Fredrik]



No! 



[Desiree]



Fredrik! 



[Fredrik]



You must meet my wife. 



[Desiree]



Let me get my hat and my knife! 



[Fredrik]



What was that? 



[Desiree]



I must meet your wife. 



[Both]



Yes, you must. 

Yes, I must.