Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention please

Do you wake every morning in shame and despair

To discover your pillow is covered with hair

Wot ought not to be there

Well, ladies and gentlemen,

From now on you can wake in an ease

You may never again ever worry or care

I will show you a miracle marvelous, rare

Gentlemen, you are about to see something wot rose from the dead

On the top of my head!



‘Twas Pirelli's miracle elixir

That's what did the trick sir

True sir, true

Was it quick, sir?

Did it in a tick, sir!

Just like and elixir ought to do



How ‘bout a bottle, mister?

Only cost a penny, guaranteed!



Does Pirelli's stimulate the growth, sir?

You can have my oath sir,

‘Tis unique! 



Rub a minute

Stimulatin' in it

Soon you'll have thin it once a week



TODD: 

Pardon me ma'am, what's that awful stench?



MS. LOVETT:

Are we standing near an open trench?



(Ms. Lovett and Todd simultaneously)



TODD:

Are we standing near and open trench?



MS. LOVETT:

Pardon me sir what's that awful stench?



TOBY:

Buy Pirelli's miracle elixir

Anything wot slick, sir

Soon sprouts curls

Try Pirelli's

When they see how thick, sir

You can have your pick sir, of the girls

Want to buy a bottle, mister?



TODD:

What is this?



MS. LOVETT:

What is this?



TOBY:

Smells like piss



MS. LOVETT:

Smells like  - ew!



(Ms. Lovett and Todd simultaneously)



TODD:

Looks like piss



MS. LOVETT:

Wouldn't touch it if I were you, dear



TODD:

This is piss, piss with ink



TOBY:

Let Pirelli's activate your roots, sir



TODD:

Keep it off your boots, sir

Eats right through



TOBY:

Yes, get Pirelli's

Use a bottle of it

Ladies seem to love it



MS. LOVETT:

Flies do, too