PROPRIETOR
(as Leon Czolgosz enters)
Hey, pal -- feelin' blue?
Don't know what to do?
Hey, pal --

(Czolgosz looks over)

I mean you --
Yeah.
C'mere and kill a president.

(Czolgosz crosses to the counter.)

No job? Cupboard bare?
One room, no one there?
Hey, pal, don't despair --
You wanna shoot a president?
C'mon and shoot a president...

(shows Czolgosz a gun)

Some guys
Think they can't be winners.

(smiles, shakes his head)

First prize
Often goes to rank beginners.

CZOLGOSZ
How much?

PROPRIETOR
Four-fifty. Ivor-Johnson. .32. Rubber Handle. Owls 
stamped on the sides. 

CZOLGOSZ
All right, give me.

(He puts his money on the counter, and the Proprietor 
hands him the gun. Czolgosz slowly examines it as John
Hinckley enters.)

PROPRIETOR
(to Hinckley)
Hey kid, failed your test?
Dream girl unimpressed?
Show her your the best.

(proffers another kind of gun)

If you can shoot a president --

(Hinckley approaches the counter.)

You can get the prize
With the big blue eyes,
Skinny little thighs
And those big blue eyes...

(presses the gun into Hinckley's hand)

Everybody's
Got the right
To be happy.
Don't stay mad,
life's not as bad
As it seems.

If you keep your
Goal in sight,
You can climb to
Any height.
Everybody's
Got the right
To their dreams...

HINCKLEY
Deal.

CZOLGOSZ
(unable to open his gun)
Mister --

HINCKLEY
(plunking money down on the counter)
I said "deal."

CZOLGOSZ
(to Hinckley)
You. Wait your turn.

HINCKLEY
It is my turn.

CZOLGOSZ
I was here first --

PROPRIETOR
Watch it now, no violence!

(He shows Czolgosz how his gun opens and closes as 
Charles Guiteau enters.)

PROPRIETOR
(to Guiteau)
Hey, fella,
Feel like you're a failure?
Bailiff on your tail? Your
Wife run off for good?
Hey, fella,
Feel misunderstood?
C'mer