There once was an empire chase

Known as a great, great game

And one of its rooks came from Stoke-on-Trent

And Mortimer was his name 



An impotent tea-bag spazz

Pride of the vicar caste

Sent off to Asia

Expansion land

Determined to be a man

Determined to be a man

Determined to be a man

Determined to be a man

Determined to be a man 



He loved a nice sag aloo

The long, lazy afternoons

But soon he was singing

A different tune

It went something just like this 



A billion flies on a horse's tail

The spirit of a late, lame raj

Punjabi's finest, bring me your wine list

As the news comes across the air today:

"Tension grows in Afghanistan

Carbine bullets could settle the score"--

I had a crap gin tonic it wounded me

Send my way off on one

Send my way off on one, two, three, four