Once there was a time,

when the conquest of

pain was all that I

could hope for, had

been my only aim.

Happiness or joy merely

unwords without meaning,

they were unwanted

anyway as surely out of place.

All I wanted was the

voices to be silent

a brief moment in the

dark, in loneliness and chill.

How I wished my mind

could escape the camat dungeon

that was flying silently

through space while

I lay caged and chained within.

Today my view - strangely

increased - it is beyond compare,

but nothing became easier,

I'm still struggling to be free.

A thousand different things

dare to appear before my eyes

now, they come and leave

untouched, because still I cannot see.

In true darkness there's

no choice than do discover

the uselessness of eyes,

giving birth from their own despair.

Here eyes can nothing but

decay and if I fail and do

identify myself with them

then their destiny I'll share...

You are with me all the time - all

the time. So very unreasonable

had been my fear. How could

I ever believe that I might

be losing you when forever

we're connected and you

are part of me. It's your

omnipresence that defines

the way in which I do

exist, forcefully leading

me back to where I do belong.

Opening my eyes to see

the true essence of my

being, by dissolving

the distractions of the

outer world. In the loneliness

of the pain you bring the

isolation of my soul guarantees

the maintenance of the only

thing that I know, my

natural and obvious differency.

Beloved old friend and life-time

companion without you to

nothing I would fall. Your

power pervades me and lies

me low, but as the same time

a new strenght is born in

my soul.

In a universe of change

and continuous movement

I am counting on you

since I know you shall last.

Being my darkness and

the basis of splendor

light-giving background

as most fertile past. You

trance-formation source

of understanding you are

the power that is pulling

me down. Whenever

lightness seeks to carry

me away you connect

me safely to the ground.

You chill of my winter,

eternal Saturn-sphere,

petrified and frozen

with a logic cold as ice

I walk through the

world look in surprise

at the living without

being able to share

their strange delights.

Beloved old friend, and

bringer of sadness,

shadow-like cloak almost

matters so real, you slip

right through me like

I was merely membrane,

my feelings so ambivalent

when my wounds refuse to heal...