Well, there's a new sensation in the neighborhood 

And self-gratification never felt so good 

You don't need a lot of training in the ways of love 

Just a good firm grip and a Playtex glove 



I see you standing in the corner at the high school dance 

Get out on the floor and get out of your pants 

I see your hands swinging loose to the beat of the bands 

But there's a brand new beat and you can use both hands 



You're gonna look so sweet on the toilet seat 

Doing the pubic beat 



You gotta put your inhibitions up away on the shelf 

And when the feeling starts to hit you, get a grip on yourself 

All the uptight people will be heading for the door 

But won't you stick around with me and make a mess on the floor? 



You're gonna look so sweet on the toilet seat 

Doing the pubic beat 



I see your hands swinging loose to the beat of the bands 

But there's a brand new beat and you can use both hands 

And all the uptight people will be heading for the door 

Why don't you stick around with me and make a mess on the floor? 



You're gonna look so sweet, so indiscreet 

With your hands on your meat, turning red as a beet 

You're gonna look so sweet on the toilet seat 

Doing the pubic beat