In my autobiography
 I figured, who would know
 Better than me?

 I'm certainly the former
 But I'm not so much the latter
 But no one's gonna read it
 So I'm sure it doesn't matter

 When you find that you're the former
 Take pride in how you form
 And when you find that you're the ladder
 Don't let those people walk under you

 I'm writing "sharp and adult"
 With my finger on the steam
 On the mirror in my bathroom
 And I'm applying shaving cream

 Which would suggest that I'm the foamer
 But how can I be the lather
 And something tells me
 It's the opposite I'd rather

 When you find that you're the foamer
 Be careful what you foam
 When you find that you're the lather
 Don't shave too high, you'll regret it later
 La la la la...

 I've stayed in school this long
 But still no one will tell me why
 They figured who would know
 Better than I?

 I know I'm a conformer
 But I'm sure it doesn't matter
 My new friends are all adults
 And my old friends all have scattered

 When you find you're a conformer
 Take pride and swallow whole
 But if you're trying to climb the ladder
 Don't let people walk over you
 Because that's just what they'll do
 Don't let people walk over you
 Because that's just what they'll do