I'm normal yes I'm normal
Normal as anybody can be
I'm normal yes I'm normal
There's no one as normal as me
Well I've had my share of orgys
Young marrieds and gay swingers
Had too many weirdos
Wet nurses and girl singers
Seen me enough blue movies
To last me a lifetime through
And I'm getting pretty desperate
For something new to do
So I'm throwing out my rubber sheets and kinky knee 
high boots
Going back to holding hands
That's where I got my roots
Throwin' out my dildos and porno magazines
Goin' back to wholesome sex just like it's in my teens
I'm normal yes I'm normal
Normal as anybody can be
I'm normal yes I'm normal
There's no one as normal as me
No one ever just says 'hi'
Or talk about the weather
They all ask me if I'm bi
And into whips 'n leather
There's just too many massage girls
Doin' it for free
And I get that funny feeling
Someone's usin' me
So I'm throwin' out my Spanish Fly
All that Vitamin E
Swallowed enough stupid pills to start a factory
Yes I'm givin' it all up I'm going back to zero
Getting just too tired of being a pornographic hero
I'm normal yes I'm normal
Normal as anybody can be
I'm normal yes I'm normal
There's no one as normal as me